Taking the step of beginning college is a milestone in every person's
life. Moving away from home should be an indication that we are now
able to live on our own and make decisions for ourselves....right? One
would think this, but in a lot of cases I feel like sometimes it is
hard for parents to realize this. In my household I am the first born
child. I am the lucky child who gets to experience the whole "growing
up" process with my parents first. I was the first child who had to
deal with rules on dating, driving on my own at night, allowing certain
curfews, and many more of the steps parents have to take as their child
becomes an adult. Now that I am away living on my own, I feel like my
parents are having a hard time treating me like I actually am. Maybe
it is because I am the first born child and I am the first to go away
to college. Or maybe it is because I am the only girl child and they
feel as though they need to protect me. In any case, I am growing up -
I'm wrapping up my first year of college. They are going to have to learn
to let go. Does anyone else feel this way? How do your parents treat
you? ... When is it time for them to let go?
-- EG
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9 comments:
Part of it is probably because they can't imagine you being able to fully step out on your own yet. Remember, they've been thinking for nearly two decades about how they're supposed to take care of you--it's a big switch to start thinking about how you're supposed to be able to take care of yourself.
That and the fact that they know there's several scenarios you just haven't encountered yet, and they have no real way to comfort themselves as to how you will react. That's the scary part. They'd rather jump in between you and whatever is out there than see you get hurt.
Well, and the fact that you're the only girl child and thus the guinea pig for how parents and daughters are supposed to interact. :D As the first born, I got a lot of the same treatment. My sister had it *way* easier than me, because they'd practiced (and in some cases failed) on me already. Sigh.
I understand exactly how you feel! Being the first born out of three girls I had it the hardest. I was the first to date, the first to leave for college, the first to get caught drinking, the first to get a ticket and so on. I hated living at my house when I was in High School. I was never treated like an adult and always put in the same category as my little sisters. There is this quote from a movie (I cant remember the name of the movie) but it says, "I am the first pancake, the one that you are suppose to throw out."It's horrible but I can honestly say I lived most of my life believing that quote. I am the only one in my family that will go to school 6 hours away from home, I am the only one that they have "failed" at raising and I am the one they tell not to follow in my foot steps. So being the guinea pig is no fun but I guess I painted an easier path for my little sisters.
i totally understand. I live with my dad and my brother and im the oldest and only girl. My dad treats me the same way, i feel as the sometimes he is protective but i know he only does it because he loves me and doesnt want to see me get hurt with whatever i do. My dad is a huge part of my life and he helps me through everything. But my brother gets it easier than i did too. and most likely because he is a boy and you know how sons and dads are ha.
I am the youngest child and only girl as well as the first child to go away for college.I think that no matter how old and independant we become our parents will always feel as though they need to protect us.My parents are not that bad at letting me make my own decisions and have gotten better at letting me be on my own throughout the semester.
Haha, I can't really say that I have ever experienced the wrath of being the first born. Personally, I have two older sisters and a younger brother, so I fall right in the middle. I know with me, my parents acted like they were more than ready to get me out of the house when it came time to move in! Although I now know this was not the case, I felt a little hurt they were so eager to get rid of me. I asked my mom the other day if she thought she was going to experience The Empty Nest Syndrome (when the youngest leaves the house; which we just learned about in Psychology:)) when my brother, Robert went to college, and she responded by saying, "I don't think so and if I experience it at all I would have to say that I'm going through it right now." Although I feel like the response I should be giving is something along the lines of "yes I'm finally an adult and am out on my own" there is still a part of me that wouldn't mind being at home with my family. But I can definitely say my life is much less hectic out on my own!
I'm an only child, and i can certainly relate to the whole set of rules that your parents lay down while you are growing up. I know that i wasn't allowed to do alot of things that my friends who had older siblings were allowed to do. I think that it really is just a matter of our parents being over protective. Since i have came up here for school though, my parents have finally began to not worry so much about what i do. They basically just tell me to stay out of trouble and i'll be fine. I believe that the right time for parents to let go is when you move out of home and begin to live by yourself.
If you show your parents that they raised a responsible adult they will treat you like one. It is hard after 17-18 years of doing evrything, even making your decisions for you to letting you do all that on your own.
Be responsible financially, academically, and personally and they will have nothing to argue with. You will be a responsible adult and even they will have to admit it
I think it's hard for parents to see their children grow up and move on with their lives without mom and dad being there and knowing every move their child makes. However, my parents were the complete opposite. I am the first child and the only girl. As soon as I turned 18 they handed over all my bills. They wanted me out on my own and to see if I could make it in the real world. Dont get me wrong I am very close with my mom and dad but they just wanted me to get out there and experience life on my own. I think parents have their own way of letting their children grow up and so far I hate it!!!
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